Tuesday, November 30

Hmm. Fell out with my mum (again). Kinda feeling down these days. The thin line has finally snapped. All just because I had mentioned going for my ex-class chalet right after prom. Shit. Can't understand what she's thinking. I think I'm such a failure. Can't do anything right. Shit.

Now I just wanna hibernate. Forget prom. Forget chalet. Forget everything.

Posted by Isabelle at 10:09 am

Monday, November 29

Yeah. Cut my hair. Not too bad. Ok lar.

Sigh. By the way, my mum's acting up again. Unreasonable streak of hers.

Posted by Isabelle at 8:15 pm

Sunday, November 28

I'm kinda giving up on Maple. Seriously. The GMs pissed me off so badly I'm not playing the game anymore... (Actually I was forced to not play the game.) Couldn't access my password, damn the admin's inefficient system. So said that we were supposed to change our accounts by logging in with a new id instead of our emails. But the network was so screwed we had to detour to access our own personal info. Well, at least we could access then, and could play the game after that. Hey, I'm not gonna complain if I can play the game. So yeah fine. But they just have to screw it up again. Couldn't access the game the next day, said the password's wrong. I mean, I haven't changed it or anything, and it was fine the day before, I couldn't understand why my password was wrong. Went to check out my account at the webpage, then realised their database was conked out. Shit. Can't retrieve my password, can't change my password, can't do a single thing without my password. Can't play the game at all.

Maple's admins suck big time.

Posted by Isabelle at 11:47 am

Saturday, November 27

Hmm... prom's in 3 days' time. But I'm kinda stuck as to what's the plan. A little confused with things. So where's everyone going before that?

Posted by Isabelle at 11:22 pm

Thursday, November 25

Oh my god. I finished my exams. Oh my god...

Can't believe it, that after 3 weeks of grueling torture sessions, we've been released again as free men. (Lol. I'm exaggerating.) I think I'm pretty much numbed by exams. Can't really think straight now. All I know is that I've finished this phase of my life, and moving onto the next stage. Whee.

Kinda scary. I mean, you never know what you're gonna expect. Things change, people change, we get older. Yikes. Can't tell if I'm ready yet for a change. I know I need it, but I'm not enthusiastic about speeding up that process. All I know is that when it comes, it comes. Ya duh. I'm talking a lot of crap now. Yeah yeah.

Had wanted to do a lot of things when I was thinking about holidays during the exam period. Get a job from my teacher and start my income rolling. Then wanted to get pictures for a gigantic cross-stitch picture (I CAN sew...) and try to complete it as soon as possible. Then get a 5000 jigsaw puzzle (I'm too ambitious...) and get it done. Hmm. But now that I'm here, I'm suddenly at a loss to what I should do right now. Lol. Aiya, just play Maple whole day long and slack. Lol. Waste my 7 months of break. Don't want lar. That would be SO boring. Hehe. Gotta get something to do, something that i can feel proud looking at it after my break. Hehe. Even if it's chionging my Maple character to level 70... LOL! Ultimate aim. Haha.

Ok lar. So happy exams are over. The time to have fun is starting! Whee!!!!

Posted by Isabelle at 6:23 pm

Tuesday, November 23

Lol. Hmm, went for that s paper test thing. Quite surprised I can handle it lor. To think when I woke up this morning I didn't feel like going coz I thought it was kinda useless. I mean, I haven't attended lessons for a past few months, I didn't go for the prelim round, can't tell my standard. And I haven't touched S paper stuff for years. Those were the excuses I gave myself to sleep in and not go for the exam. What.. valid reasons k. Hehe.

Finally went for it, since my mum said I should try, and Huiying said I should just go since I'm awake... Yeah. Ok lar, I think it was... manageable. You know, those kinda can scrap pass for a merit kind? Yeah. Wouldn't dare to dream of a dist lar, so yeah, go away ben. Lol.

Posted by Isabelle at 3:27 pm

Sunday, November 21

Left... 4 days to fun! Whoo. That was fast. Can't believe the long-drawn war against exams are finally coming to an end. Not that I hate it for it to go away lar. Left F Maths P2, and Physics P3 & 5. And Maths S paper. Sigh. Bombed the FM P1 badly, so I'm not expecting a good result for that. Aiya, just anyhow scribble for the P2 lar. I'm more concerned about Physics though. Can't afford to bomb another subject like I did for FM. S Paper... arh, take for fun. Don't care.

4 more days to go. Hang in there.

Posted by Isabelle at 9:08 am

Saturday, November 20

This skin is much better than the last one. (I think.) At least the picture's clearer, and I did a little chang e to the photo. Hehe... BROADBAND!

Posted by Isabelle at 10:52 pm

Broadband!!!! *swoons* Officially on my broadband connection... 200 times faster than my old stupid connection.

WHHEEEE!!!!!!!!!! Maple, here I come!

Posted by Isabelle at 8:38 pm

Wednesday, November 17

Ok.. Had a more than my share of fun with Maple, and of all times I had to get hooked onto a game so time-consuming and addictive. Hmm. Not doing a lot of studying, so that's bad news. Well, at least I survived today's chem p2. Not bad, just thought maybe I might have mistakes that I don't know I made them.

Argh...

BEST CASE SCENARIO

Prediction for Maths (since I took both the papers already) :

P1 - Eh... Hoping to score with this, so it better be around 80-90% *crosses fingers*
P2 - Can't hope much with this... 70%?

Predicted grade - A... (I hope. Like I said, best case.)

Prediction for Chem (left P1...)

P1 - projected, 32/40
P2 - Eh... After today's paper... 40/60
P3 - Expecting something good out of this... 65-70/100
P4 - Flopped. 40/75 --

Predicted grade - B (Best case scenario...)

Prediction for Physics

I don't dare to expect much. After all what have I been doing? Yeah. Only took P4 so far...

P4 - Had a good feeling about this... 28/34

Predicted grade - B/C

Prediction for F Maths

No papers taken, so I can't gauge my standard... Sigh.

Predicted grade - B/C (I hope.)

Prediction for S Paper (Maths)

Don't even dare to think about it. Taking it for fun and relaxation. Yeah, crap.

Sounds kinda good to me, if I manage to get these grades... Hmm. Argh... Study lar. Think so much. Don't play Maple. Don't play Maple. Don't play Maple. Don't play Maple. Don't play...

Posted by Isabelle at 8:40 pm

Tuesday, November 16

Had fun playing Maple.

Signing off.

(Guess you know what I've been doing these few days...)

Posted by Isabelle at 9:18 pm

Sunday, November 14

Downloading Maple. Shit. Got psychoed into the game, even though my stupid com with the stupid slow connection would take me up to 10 hours on the downloading. Hmm. Great.

Posted by Isabelle at 8:24 pm

Saturday, November 13

Lol... Got a little tired of looking at Squall, so did up a 'new' skin. Sorta, but not really lar, since I just basically ripped off the old design, shifted stuff a little, and put up a new pic... I think I eat-full-nothing-to-shit (translate to hokkien yourself). Hmm.

Posted by Isabelle at 10:33 pm

Friday, November 12

Weee~! Convinced my mum to skip the Hong Kong trip and go for a cruise instead. Lol. Yeah. Have never been on a big ship before, so I'd rather skip that airplane and hop on a cruise. Got the tickets today, and really looking forward to the trip. Woohoo.

Posted by Isabelle at 9:43 pm

Thursday, November 11

Making lists for this week...

Things to do during the 6-day break between my exams:
- Re-cap Matrices
- Study Physics and do a GCE paper
- Do 2003 Maths paper 2
- Read through Chem again (that yellow book)

Things I've done for now:
- Play The Sims (lame game, but addictive anyhow. *rubs hands* Muahaha...)
- Dig out all the old old com games (like Pharoah, The Sims, blah blah)
- Watching late night Wu Zong Xian (I love that guy!) shows, Wo Cai Wo Cai Wo Cai Cai Cai and that Tian Cai Go Go Go
- Procrastinate on studying by telling myself I'll do it after I watch TV, or after I play the com, or after I go online...

Hmm.

Posted by Isabelle at 9:04 pm

Wednesday, November 10

Hmm. So far so good. At least the papers were manageable. Hmm. If everything goes smooth enough, I think I'll do fair enough. Yeah. Then maybe I'll achieve my aim for the chem engine faculty... Lol. Think too much. Hmm. Yeah, think too far off. Just make sure I don't flop my next paper.

Hmm. Taking one step at a time.

Posted by Isabelle at 1:31 pm

Monday, November 8

Hmm. Chem wasn't that bad after all. After the nights and nights of chionging chem, I finally got something solid on paper. At least, I thought it was solid. Don't know what the examiners would feel. Hmm. Feeling quite slack for tomorrow's maths paper 1. Kinda feeling too confident about myself, and I know I shouldn't be gloating about, since usually over-confidence ALWAYS kills me in the end. Duh. I'm not gonna go for the paper without flipping through my file. Some preparation, but I don't hell the care.

Hmm. Maths. Needa ace that, if not, there goes any chance of having any other A. Crap.

Posted by Isabelle at 10:50 pm

Sunday, November 7

Speaking of planning early, but since everyone else is doing it, why not join in the fun? Hehe.

10. Chop off my hair in a stylish way. Better yet, spend a fortune on getting someone to do it for me so that I can blame him if anything goes wrong.

9. Sleepover at Guan's house, and chiong all night, so that we don't actually do much of the sleeping at her house. Get ourselves drunk and fight it out with some stranger. (Just kidding. Just get drunk will do.)

8. Run like mad. Like 7-8 rounds every single day. I'm fat. Keep thinking I'm fat, so I get some motivation. *squeezes the fats*

7. ATTEND PROM. Can't wait. Wahaha.

6. Find time to curse at my books and pack them in boxes, ready anytime to be thrown away. Poor things. Not their fault I was made to go through them like a million times anyway.

5. Get a job. Most probably gonna take up my teacher's offer and help her out with the kids. I hope it's painless.

4. Send my guy friends into army. See them suffer in eternal damnation... Wahaha... No lar. Just kidding. You know, get them stuff, have a small dinner with friends, and them push them into hell. Wahaha.

3. Visit my dad for months and months and months... and then come back for a cruise trip. Enjoy life while you can, even if you know your plane's gonna crash, or if the ship's gonna sink.

2. Marry someone. Anyone. I'm desperate. (No, I'm not. Seriously. I'm not. I just had to say it for effects. Lol.)

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

1. Get my hands on a new com. Better yet, a com and a laptop. Wahaha. I'm ambitious. I hate my current com. I hope it dies soon. (Choi. Later if it really crashes...)

Posted by Isabelle at 7:03 pm

Finally declared a truce, I hope. After not speaking to each other for 3 days, we finally had something to say to each other. Ok, fine. I think I can heave a sigh of relief. Hmm.

Tried to chiong 2 years of Chem in one day. A little too impossible. Shit. Ended up finishing only Bio-chem and Organic. The rest... Well, I can only hope I haven't forgotten those from my prelims. Gonna read through a bit later. A little demoralised after I tried the NY'04 Chem paper, cause I simply couldn't get the answers. Freaked out. Sigh. I understand, but why can't I get the right answers? Crap.

Frustrated.

Sign off.

Posted by Isabelle at 6:58 pm

Saturday, November 6

Haven't spoken with my mum for the whole day, except when she asked me what I wanted to eat. There was this unspoken tension within the house, and I wondered how my grandma could stand it. Hmm. Yeah. Coped up in the house the whole day, decided I should do something productive, like studying organic chem, but ended up glued to my com playing The Sims. Crap. How productive. Hmm. 'Air' level chem paper 3 in 2 days but I'm playing The Sims. Hmm.

Declares myself despondent, but never will be again. Gonna mug like siao. (I hope.)

Posted by Isabelle at 7:15 pm

Friday, November 5

I can't think straight anymore. For once, words escape me. There's really nothing for me to do. I've been bad, rebellious, naughty, disobedient... And everything else you can find in a rebel kid. Nothing proves otherwise, and I pretty much don't care already. I'm just hoping exams end sooner, and my dad flies back. I don't care anymore.

Simply miserable, fed-up with this part of my life.

Posted by Isabelle at 11:00 pm

E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.
E ryda socamv.

Posted by Isabelle at 9:21 pm

I won't believe I had just quarrelled with my mum. Damn. Couldn't keep it back anymore. Finally retorted against her. Shit. Yeah. Raised voices, crying, bloodied eyes, watery noses... Crap. We resorted to calling my dad so that she can 'get me off her back', or that's what she said. Kinda sad, the way we ended up like this. I'm not giving way to her, she's not being reasonable, and I just can't keep my mouth shut for a few minutes. Feel like to just go over and live with my dad permanently. Crap.

Crap. I hate my mum, I hate myself, I hate everyone. Just go away.

Posted by Isabelle at 9:12 pm

Wonder what I'll do. Playing games, basically just slacking around... I'm dead meat. I feel that pressure you know, that frightful feeling of exams, like what if you can't answer the questions, if the paper would kill you... Things like that. But I'm not doing anything to ease that stress. Yeah. Too slack.

Sigh.

Posted by Isabelle at 8:14 pm

Thursday, November 4

Hmm. Didn't expect much for GP, since I know I'm about there only. Yeah, just hope I don't fail my essay, and I score better for my paper 2. That'll probably bring me up a few grades... Oh well. I'm pretty numb to exams already. Nervous, definitely, but now that it's ongoing, I'm actually feeling quite slack. Ahh...

Predicted results : Chem - C, Maths - B/A, Physics - C, F Maths - C. GP - C5

Bleh. I don't know what I'll do... let's just see if I'm that accurate.

Posted by Isabelle at 7:29 pm

Tuesday, November 2

I swore I told myself not to cry. I really tried, but it's kinda no use suppressing.

Almost ended up fighting with my mum, but I didn't talk to her, so it was kinda one-sided. All the screaming and ranting as she shouted at me while I bathed noiselessly. Yeah. Noiseless doesn't mean I couldn't shed a tear or two. Damn fed up with my mum's nonsensical yelling and ranting. I mean, yeah, I'm sorry for the sunday incident, and I ended up not going for monday's studying with Guan... She's making a big fuss out of everything. Just because I went out excessively doesn't mean she should scream over the phone when I missed ONE of her calls to get me home. Then I wonder if she's having serious mood swings, or problems at work. She's getting unreasonable and irrational. She has no reason to stop me from going out to study with friends. She can't do that to me. I really feel like telling her that right in the face. This is one area which I'm really hopeless at. I can't retort at her, ask her, speak to her... I just... can't.

There's nothing for me to do. I just wish she wouldn't feel so uptight about things.

Posted by Isabelle at 6:39 pm

Monday, November 1

Mum enters.

Mum: "Ate your dinner?"

Me: "Not yet, going out later to meet Singuan to study."

Mum (fumes, and stares right at me.): "Don't let me get angry at you, ok? WE HAVE A HOUSE RULE THAT YOU CAN'T GO OUT AT NIGHT. WHY MUST YOU MEET AT NIGHT?"

Me: "Cos Guan can't make it in the day?"

Mum: "THEN DON'T MEET!"

Me: "... Ok, fine." (walks to room)

Mum: "CANCEL YOUR APPOINTMENT!" *screams after me*

Me: (picks up phone to message Guan)

Ok, so yeah. I'm mad at my mum, but I'm trying hard not to show it. 'Projected' conversation if I ever decided to not bite back a sharp retort.

Mum: "THEN DON'T MEET!"

Me: "THEN I DON'T NEED TO STUDY?"

Mum: "STUDY AT HOME!"

Me: "I DON'T WANT TO STUDY AT HOME. I'LL GET DISTRACTED BY THE COM."

Mum: "THEN SELL AWAY THE COMPUTER!"

Me: *sarcasm* "... YA, AND WE LIVE IN THE STONE AGE WITHOUT COMPUTERS."

Mum: "YOU DON'T USE THAT TONE ON ME, ISABELLE TSAN XINNING."

Me: *mutters* "YOU ARE GETTING UNREASONABLE."

Mum: "BECAUSE YOU DON'T GET ME ENOUGH RESPECT."

Yada yada... And the voices raise higher and higher.

So glad I didn't decide to speak back against her. I know, I know, she doesn't want me out too late cos it's exam period, and yesterday I kinda went overboard when Ven, Heli and me went out until er, very late. But it's only Sunday! I mean, hello, I'm 18, I understand there's this very important exam coming up in about 3 days, and I know she cares a lot about me, and I have been trying not to fight with her. But I think she needs to know I really understand what I'm doing, who I'm hanging out with. I think she went overboard this time, but of course I won't tell it right in her face. Ah... Whatever lar, she's still my mum. We two just don't understand each other sometimes, I guess.